It sure has been a wonderful 5 weeks on the road, saying many goodbye's, meeting new people, seeing so much of our country. The worst roads award goes to 2 states: Arkansas and West Virginia. It doesn't please me to have to report that, but there it is. Perhaps these two states could petition for more of the federal government's giveaway money to support their dilapidated highway systems?
This is an interesting time. I feel as if I'm in a constant state of hokey-pokey. One minute my right foot is still in Boston, the next it's in Germany! Example: I returned home last night, today I unpacked my car and had a rehearsal for a recording I'm doing on Thursday. Clearly, I'm still in Boston. But I also bought a roundtrip plane ticket from Düsseldorf, Germany to Krakau, Poland, for the GEM Annual Conference in August. Mastercard even e-mailed me to make sure my card hadn't been stolen, since I obviously live in Boston yet bought a plane ticket between two European destinations!
Speaking of singing, tonight's rehearsal was wonderful in many ways. However, my experience was similar to that of the Apostle Paul's, which he describes in Romans 7, here incorporating singing terms:
"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right [sing high, soft, sustained notes with the correct breath speed and vowel placement], but I don't do it... No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right [sing with absolutely correct technique]. I want to, but I can't."
I know, it's silly. But this is an old wound. It's so frustrating when I have a sound and interpretation in mind, and can't reproduce it! The more frustrating part is that I know I am able to do it! If my voice teacher had been there, she could have gotten my voice to produce the ideal in my mind. The most ridiculous part is that rather than taking a few minutes to pray, analyze, and make the appropriate changes, I throw a bit of a temper tantrum.
I hope Thursday's recording finds me in a better frame of mind, to focus calmly on the task at hand, and trust that whatever comes out of my mouth will be just fine. Even if it isn't an exact representation of my intentions. It's the same as trusting my soul with God, even when I'm doing the evil that I know I shouldn't do. I have to trust him to finish the good work he's started, even when it doesn't seem so good to me.
Yeah. I think I've read that in the Bible somewhere.
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