Advent thoughts

As I sat down today to plan the music for our next worship service, I found this text from one of my favorite German songwriters: „Aus der Tiefe meines Herzens steigt ein Loblied auf zu dir, mein Gott.“ (A song of praise rises to you, God, from the depths of my heart.) It was one of those moments in which I sensed God‘s presence so strongly, and my heart was so full of gratitude, that I could only express it through singing. Have you experienced a moment like that recently? My prayer for me, whoever ends up reading this post ;), and for the  Germans I have the privilege of knowing, is that in this Advent season, our hearts will become more and more receptive to Jesus. And as we repeatedly receive Him, may songs of praise originate in our hearts, and be always on our lips!

Doing nothing

Good morning!
I took this photo just a few minutes ago from my apartment window. Do you see what I see? A blue sky!!!!! Summer has finally decided to show its long-awaited face in Cologne. Judging by the fact that I decided to actually post something here, I suppose I have been awakened by the sun as well!

I reached a point in my life recently where I realized that my life, my story, was passing by without my really noticing. Just yesterday as I ran along the Rhein I thought to myself "I live in Europe!!!!!! What in the world?!?!!?!" :)
I haven't been taking enough time to reflect, and have really felt the consequences of that. I had the overwhelming sense that I was just going going going without being truly present. And it was starting to wear on me. So, it seemed that a trip down to the Black Forest to see a counselor/spiritual advisor for several days was in order. I needed to spend considerable time being quiet, getting to know myself, my history, my family, friends - my own life, really, from a different angle. Boy was it worth it.

Details of that time aren't really necessary here, but I can certainly say that God opened up my life, and life in general, to me. So much that I have lost, and those things that I had only thought I had lost, have been restored to me. Yes, restoration: that's the only word that seems to fit. But the funny thing is, I think these lost things have been there all the time! It just never occurred to me to stop to look at them, to feel them, to experience them, receive them. Isn't that how it so often is in our lives? God offers us abundant life, and we somehow see only a small dark corner. So we settle down there, thinking this is what there is to be had. We live there for a little while, but slowly it becomes clear that we've been jibbed. This CANNOT be all there is. And we would be right.

I sat down this morning and opened up to Isaiah 42. Goosebumps. Over, and over, and over again. Again, the world... the real world, opened itself to me. Mercy, grace, justice, LOVE.


Verse 5:
"Thus says God, the LORD, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it..."

So I sit here, aware of my breath. Aware that God has given me this breath. And the next. And all those that came before. Aware of my spirit. There are so many different ways to think about our humanness...  are we body, soul and spirit? Or just body and spirit? Or just body? But I don't analyze that right now, I just sit and exist. And it all seems so simple. I breathe in spirit.

Verse 6:
"I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you..."

Yes. Here is my hand. Keep me. Please, keep me. Take me and keep me as you are a light for the nations, as you open eyes that are blind, as you bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, and those who sit in darkness.

And then it becomes difficult for me. The simplicity and fragility of my own existence, confronted with
so much darkness, so much pain and suffering in the world. Billions of people whose existence is just as simple and fragile as mine, and they're hoping that someone will come to rescue them out of the hell on earth that they experience. One of my tendencies is at this point to despair, to think that it's all on my shoulders. As Emma in "Once Upon A Time" responded to the news that she was the savior of her fairy tale world, "Well, then, you're all screwed." Exactly. If it is all on my shoulders, then yes, everyone is screwed. Maybe this self-centeredness is just part of the human experience. It certainly is part of mine. But as I read further:

Verse 16:
"I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them."

These are the things that God does. One of the clearest parts of God's message to humankind is that we ALL need a savior. We are all fragile, all blind, all in need of someone to turn our darkness into light. This is what I experienced in those few days I spent in the Black Forest. I'm not just a cog in God's wheel, sent to do God's bidding. God doesn't want to just save other people. God wants to save me, too! God wants to heal me, to lead me along a path that I did not know.
And somehow, as I sit in this reality, it becomes clear to me that as I am healed, these words in Isaiah become true again. How can I despair, how can I look around and say that God is silent, that God isn't doing anything? I simply need to open my eyes to what God is doing in me, and then it becomes clear that God is doing that in everyone else, too.

Sometimes it's all a matter of perspective. Funny, though, that perspective so often comes when I'm "doing nothing."

The Kingdom of God (is near)

I have a question for you. What comes to mind when you see or hear that phrase, "The Kingdom of God"? There are lots of amazing possibilities, right? Still, if you're like me, you sometimes struggle with what God's Kingdom looks like tangibly, in your corner of the world, in your own heart. The answer, however, when we look to Jesus, IS conceivable. It looks like this: the living God, coming into intimate contact with normal people, and completely transforming their lives. Freeing them from the power of the Kingdom of darkness, and transferring them into the Kingdom of Light. Woah. Sounds like the plot of an epic movie.

"Let me ask you another question. Will you stop for a minute and read through the following sentence a few times with me?

'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.' 

I know you probably have tons to do today, and I don't want to keep you from that any longer than necessary, but will you indulge me and read through it just one more time? Great. Now that you've really let it sink in... does it change any of your plans for today?"

That exchange above is similar to how I've sensed God speaking to me lately. ALL authority, in Heaven AND on Earth, belongs to Jesus. The same Jesus who battled (and is even now battling) the powers of darkness. This is a powerful God. A God we can trust.  

And now to our plans for today: 

"Go THEREFORE and make disciples of all nations..." Because all authority belongs to Jesus, and because He is with us at all times, and until the end of the age, He sends us into the world to live out and share this message of God's Kingdom: The captives are freed! The blind see! 

Amen!   

God, please give us eyes to see this. Help us realize that your Kingdom is NEAR. Is HERE. NOW. And give us the courage to live like it. 

About time for me to show my face around these parts again, huh?

Hello!

I just had 2 of the coolest hours of my life. Let me tell you about them:

Our street outreach today was UNBELIEVABLE. About an hour into it a young guy approached us to ask for advice about buying a birthday gift. A bit later as we explained that when people are interested, we invite them to one of our church services. He said: "I honestly wouldn't come. I grew up in the protestant church, but I've decided on my own beliefs about God."

He was really nice, and very open to talking with us.

Tobi, a young very gifted German evangelist who will be joining us hopefully regularly for these outreaches and I had an hour long conversation with this young man ("young man", he's my age) about the church, Jesus, God the Father, the world, Christians, evil and suffering, and his family (specifically his Grandfather who knew the Bible in and out and was the most wise, beautiful person he has ever known). Throughout the course of the conversation we both shared our faith stories with him, and Tobi shared like 3 of the most brilliantly concise and compelling versions of the gospel with him that I've ever heard. It ended with this:

T: "Have you ever read the New Testament?"

YG (young guy): "No, I haven't."

T: "If you had a copy would you be interested in reading it?"

YG: "Well, yeah, maybe."

T: "Because I have a copy with me..."

He promised us he would read it sometime, and we encouraged him that it really is worth it to get to know Jesus because he's so stinking cool. This was by far the most relaxed, respectful (from both sides), beautiful human interactions about God and religion that I've ever been a part of.

------------------------------------------------------------

That was the first hour and 45 minutes. There's still 15 minutes to report on.

After we were finished I went to a Turkish place to get some dinner on my way home (see left) :). I only had 5 euro in my pocket, and I told the owner I could only afford 6 grape leaves instead of 8 because I also wanted salad. :)

Smiling he said:

"Well, all that would cost you 6 Euro, but you could sing a song to make up for the other 1 Euro." (For real... I'm not making this up.)

K: "As it turns out, I'm a singer! I'd love to sing you a song. Do you have a request?"

Owner: "Oh, I don't know. Anything."

K: "OK, when is your birthday?"

Owner: "January."

K: "Well, it's a little late, but..."

And I sang Happy Birthday in English. They loved it, and said that I have a beautiful voice (not trying to praise myself here, but this fits with the rest of the story.)

He made me the most beautiful plate of food I've ever seen. Even threw in that awesome piece of bread. :)

As I was paying I said:

"Isn't God good? He gives us such wonderful food, and beautiful music to enjoy."

Owner: "Indeed. Will you sing to me every time you come back? Say, twice a week?" (He's a good business man.)

I promised him at least one time each week, Thursdays after a regular appointment (our street outreach.)

Isn't it wonderful to be human, to have money to buy food, and to know God?

Concert tomorrow

Tomorrow evening, Friday Feb. 11, I have the privilege of singing in a Valentine's Day concert that is co-sponsored by our church, KölnProjekt. (www.koelnprojekt.de) A German Tenor (who is a wonderful singer and musician) and I will sing duets and arias/songs from musicals and operetta, in both German and English. We've even rented a fog machine for our "Phantom of the Opera" scene. :) Jason, the pastor of KölnProjekt, will read a few poems, and since the evening is about love, he'll talk a bit about the love of God, in the context of some of the song texts.

My favorite text of the night is from the duet "All I ask of you", from Phantom of the Opera. Yes, it is cheesy in parts :), but the overall effect, and the focus on freedom from darkness is beautiful. And the dialogue, well, I've been reading and thinking a lot lately about "practicing the presence of God", and this dialogue reflects that kind of relationship:

No more talk of darkness, forget your wide eyed fears. I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears, I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you.

Say you'll love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime. Say you need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true, that's all I ask of you.

Let me be your shelter, let me be your light. You're safe, no one will find you, your fears are far behind you.

All I want is freedom, a world with no more night, and you always beside me, to hold me and to hide me.

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Let me lead you from your solitude. Say you want me with you here beside you, anywhere you go let me go too. Christine, that's all I ask of you.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and and I will follow you. Share each day with me, each night each morning.

Say you love me!

You know I do!

Love me, that's all I ask of you.

:) Awwww. :)

Valentine's Day isn't as big in Germany as in the US, but it's popular enough that over 130 people have told us they're coming to the concert. That's waaaay more than we have seats for, and each day we learn about more people who want to come! This is wonderful, of course, but the room where we're holding the concert really isn't big enough for such a crowd. I'm looking forward to seeing how we pull it off. :) Thanks for your prayers!

SNOW!

It bears repeating: SNOW!!!!!!

I woke up this morning after my two Thanksgiving feasts, to see that it had snowed! I love snow! Love it, love it, loooooovvve it!!!!! It's really early in the year for snow in this part of Germany, but I'm not complaining. The mailman in this picture might have, though:

Thanksgiving!!!!

Thank you, dear American friends, who are helping to keep the Thanksgiving tradition alive in Germany.

I finally spent some time in the kitchen, preparing a few dishes for the TWO Thanksgiving feasts that I was invited to.

Yes. I, Kristi Vrooman, spent hours in the kitchen cooking. No, this is not a mistake. The most surprising part is that I ENJOYED it! AND, I didn't burn anything and it all tasted really, really good! I'm as surprised as you are, believe me.

1) Cranberry sauce (yes, from scratch, and yes, I know it's easy, but it's a start)

2) Stuffing (I bought three gigantic loaves of bread at the local bakery and toasted them all. I learned later in the day that you can buy bread already toasted. Zwieback, it's called. Oops.)

Here's my proof - smiling faces and a food fight:

What a day we had! And now, off to bed.